The Psychology of Parasocial Relationships and Why They Feel So Real

The Psychology of Parasocial Relationships — and Why They Feel So Real

This article is an accompaniment to our podcast episode about parasocial relationships, which you can also watch here!

Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Or looked up an actress’ relationship? Or commented on a politician’s social media account? If you have, these are all examples of a parasocial interaction (PI), or a parasocial relationship!
Simply put, a parasocial interaction is an interaction that is one-sided between us and someone who we do not have a personal relationship with, such as celebrities, influencers, politicians, or random strangers on Tiktok. This is a very common interaction as we consume any type of popular media such as movies, music, TV shows, news, and especially social media content these days.

Further than that, a parasocial relationship describes the one-sided relationship between us and the public figure, encompassing our personal feelings, thoughts, opinions, and more about them. This inherently is not a negative thing at all! In fact, it can be a positive influence and inspiration for a lot of us. What becomes a concerning thing, however, is when we believe that our opinions should be taken seriously by the public figure, especially if it is regarding their personal lives.

This can lead to extremely problematic behaviour, such as harassment, stalking, defamation, and obsession, to name a few. There have been quite a number of incidents where stalking and harassment occurs with celebrities, such as the sasaeng fans in South Korean fandoms, doxxing by fans or paparazzi, and a recent example of a man literally and physically crossing the safety barriers to hug Ariana Grande for a publicity stunt. These actions are not only dangerous to the public figure, but illegal and puts the person who does this at risk of legal consequences. But let’s not go this far, as these actions are when law enforcement comes in.

Seeking comfort in the unreachable

Let’s talk about what makes someone more at-risk of crossing that dangerous line. Research shows that loneliness is a key factor in what makes someone attach themselves to a public figure, and develop a deeper parasocial relationship with them. Loneliness can be a very difficult thing for most people to face and manage, especially if they are unable to form healthy connections with people around them for any reason (newly moved, isolated from peers, lack of social communication skills, etc.). It makes complete sense that people could then attach to a public figure, because a lot of them share about themselves online as a part of their work. Think interviews, social media posts, live videos, podcasts, editorial exposés, and especially reality shows! It’s so easy to gather information about a public figure, and feel closer and closer to them through this accessible data.

When I read about this, I thought to myself “Well, that could be all of us! What makes someone go past the point of being invested to being involved in the lives of these celebrities?” Loneliness may be a key factor in developing a parasocial relationship, but other factors could play a role in making someone become more and more personally involved. So here are a few that I’d like to highlight as potential factors we can look out for.

The Absence of Healthy Supportive Experiences?

Firstly, insecure attachment styles and how this presents in someone can deepen this parasocial link. Attachment styles come about from a person’s early experiences as an infant and toddler from their parents’ behaviours towards them. Parents that show consistent love and care can help a child build trust in them and develop a secure attachment style, but if this is inconsistent, the child can develop one of the 3 insecure attachment styles known as anxious/ambivalent (preoccupied), avoidant (dismissive), disorganized (fearful-avoidant). Although many of us may have an insecure avoidant style, we would not necessarily have an unhealthy parasocial relationship with a public figure. But what makes this a risk factor is the possibility that one attaches themself to the public figure due to a lack of other healthy attachment figures in their lives. This public figure (e.g.: Taylor Swift) becomes their only source of a personal attachment, and many of their parasocial interactions with her would include emotional and/or obsessive behaviours such as spending all their savings on merchandise, being unable to balance the time spent on consuming her content and their own work or studies, or even harassing others who may have critiques about Taylor Swift. The behaviours can look very protective, possessive, and even territorial.

Relating to Someone Who Gets It

Another potential risk factor is the role of identity and self-image. Similar to attachment styles, when someone has difficulty with themselves, it makes it more likely for them to look towards a public figure for inspiration or understanding. Many young people from children to young adults may experience difficulty with identity formation due to different reasons such as trauma, bullying, loneliness, neurodivergence, and so on. These may make it difficult for someone to develop a personal understanding of who they are and how they would like to present themselves in this world. With a lack of a stable identity and self-image, it’s comforting to look up to a public figure and develop their sense of self based on them. What makes this a risk factor however, is if this person unfortunately mimics a celebrity with values or behaviours that are not particularly healthy for them, such as influencing eating disorders due to beauty standards (let’s bring to mind the rise of Ozempic in Hollywood!), and misogynistic beliefs spouted by certain podcasts (which has been correlated to how some young boys treat girls and women). The lack of a strong and healthy self-identity can make one much more susceptible to being moulded by the behaviours and values of a public figure, no matter if it's positive or negative!

Written by
Amanda Xavier, Registered Clinical Psychologist

Amanda is one of the co-founders of Minda Psychology Services, and uses her online presence to bring awareness to mental health through humour, relatability and her own experiences with ADHD. Her work focuses on ADHD and Autism in adults, identity, LGBTQ+ experiences, anxiety, depression, burnout and stress, self-image, and self-acceptance through her preferred approach of Acceptance and Commitment Based Therapy (ACT). Empathetic and down-to-earth, she offers a safe space where her clients can feel understood, supported, and empowered to grow. Learn more about her here.

So I Might Need Some Help, Now What?

The interaction of these 3 factors of loneliness, insecure attachment styles, and a lack of identity and self-image can increase the risk of anyone developing a deep and unhealthy parasocial relationship, leading to potential negative behavioural changes. These areas are all very common concerns that we see in therapy, separately but usually together. Addressing these concerns in therapy can help us develop much healthier views on ourselves, our interactions with others, and with the world, which results in higher satisfaction and happiness, and also self-love!

That being said, liking and loving celebrities or other public figures isn’t a bad thing! It’s only when we feel like these parasocial relationships take over our lives and make us behave in ways that are no longer healthy that we need to stop, take a breath, and figure it out!

If you feel like you need additional support to help you relearn beliefs and emotional behaviours regarding loneliness, attachment styles, and self-identity, we are happy to support you with our team of therapists.

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